"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
