I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
