She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize