Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
