More tranny stories later!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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