There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
