just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize