Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
