Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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