Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
third nipple confirmed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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