lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
