Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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