I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize