Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
