I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
