what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
