she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
