Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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