And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
