I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
