I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize