I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
