I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
