Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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