Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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