When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just high enough for therapy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize