It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
