Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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