A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
