The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
