i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
