Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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