It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am one with the molecules
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
