ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
