Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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