He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need a beard to bite.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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