dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
