It's like God shit irony all over that family
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
