so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
