Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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