Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
