you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
