Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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