I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
