Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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