were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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