when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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