forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
