i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
