Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
