im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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