Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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