her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
