Hey man sorry I got all grabby
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize