I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
