found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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