After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
