I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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