If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize