He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
