Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize