I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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