uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
