A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
