i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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