hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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