never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
