ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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