Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
