your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
