im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
