And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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