Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
