I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize