In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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