so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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