who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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