she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
