I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
