mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
