You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
