I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
