Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
