1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
