Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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