he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
