Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
