you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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