If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
