living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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