hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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